but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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