DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
