I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
