Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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