You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
