wakey wakey hands off snakey
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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