Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
