Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
