If that was your dad, he is hot
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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