A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
