Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
