Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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