my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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