I wish I only lived at night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
