I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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