I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
