question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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