that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
