The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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