he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
