Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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