Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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