my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The adults are the big ones right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
