One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
