I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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