My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
