i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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