I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
