..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
