Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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