do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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