I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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