Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
