if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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