I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
