if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
