i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
