so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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