He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
