I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
