The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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