so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
this is an emotional support booty call
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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