just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
