I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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