there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
