dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
