i just sent this text using only my big toe
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You ruined the universe
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize