Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
