Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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