By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
