Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
