You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
