i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
