You can't motorboat a personality
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
