just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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