mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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