I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
