she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
