Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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