I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
