wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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