By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
