So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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