Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
