Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
