Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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