remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize