he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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