If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
